I hope you had a better week that I have had. It began with a surprising convergence of recurring auto payments and annual subscriptions that even after I got last week’s paycheck left me overdrawn. That often happens to me around the 30th or so of a month; this time it was the 25th. My negative balance was higher (lower?) than it had ever been. Thank goodness I had taken some extra “mad money” and gone shopping right after that paycheck was in my account; I was at least able to eat this week, aided by a little help from the “community tray” at my nearby Starbuck’s. It’s by far not the highest quality dried beans and pasta one could hope to consume, but the price was right.
Then I finally heard back from what I thought was an encouraging job opportunity with a fledgling media network that had been playing out over four weeks of interviews with the CEO of the company. Friendly, accessible, open. Encouraged me to share some ideas for how I’d maximize their reach, which I did. Then out of the blue after a week’s delay I e-mailed him for a progress report. Out of the blue he cheerfully drops something to the effect of “change of plans; we have another candidate we’re moving forward with”. And for the 1496th time (for legal reasons, I count) since the spring of 2020 I “wasn’t a fit”.
All the encouragment and reassurance that it would have been an uncomfortable existence are meaningless when you’re looking a net worth with a minus sign in front of it. Now let’s add the reality check that as I was being sent cheerful “Happy Thanksgiving” wishes from unsuspecting and otherwise well-intentioned acquaitances the fact that my actual family is somehow yet again too “busy”–a euphemism for too frustrated with my realities–to have sent well wishes of their own, let alone actually extend me an invitation to a gathering. My Thanksgiving night dinner will look much more like the image at the top of this musing rather than the one next to this paragraph once again, largely because of 1496 rejections.
I’m well aware that so many of you are absolutely sick of what you consider to be the bitchings of a once entitled person who is now demographically experiencing what he should have already encountered. No DEI executive is ever going to battle for folks like moi; there’s nothing in it for them or their companies. But to those of you who think that I’m being overly dramatic, may I please ask you to consider how all of this feels from my perspective. Suffice to say, at times it’s overwhelming. And it’s made much more so when I’m forced to hide my true feelings and experiences about holidays like this from co-workers and well-wishers.
So when I get asked the question of the day–“What am I thankful for?”, let’s just say the answer isn’t something that’s as immediate or positive as you might otherwise prefer.
But just as I was starting to begin this musing, a couple of alerts hit my phone that gave me pause. My paycheck was direct deposited a day early, which at least meant my overdrawn status had ended for the moment. I actually now have a net worth of three figures, at least before my next gas fill-up.
And a friend who sometimes is generous with me when I least expect it–albeit one who is thousands of miles away–chose this very moment to throw me a few very needed shekels once again. This person chooses to help me without either provocation or reservation–it’s just who they are. Much like I used to be, and desperately wish I still someday will. When I texted my thanks, they casually informed me that their father had passed away last night. He was older and somewhat distant, so it wasn’t entirely unexpected. But still–to think of someone else on the very day you learn you no longer have a living parent? That’s a better person than I can even aspire to be.
So I do have a job, albeit not the kind I truly need or am particularly motivated by. I do have at least one friend in a position to help who doesn’t excommunicate me from their lives if I mention my need. I wish I had more, but some have none. And I’m still alive and breathing, even if far too many people have no ability or intention to actually see the level of dramatic change I’ve been able to make in my life anytime soon.
I’m thankful for all of that. And I’m definitely thankful for any of you who choose to read these musings, even when I’m not making some more salient point about the state of media or the complicated political polarized times we are in. No matter what side of the aisle you may be on, I will never not support your right to believe what you choose, even if so many I once knew who felt so strongly about what I believe were willing to cast me out of your lives entirely for having such an even-handed approach.
I didn’t expect to be in a mindset to be expressing this today, but life can offer surprises if you’re actually allowed to live it.
Happy Thanksgiving, one and all.
Until next time…