I’ll apologize up front to those of you who actually care that I’ve been even less than 100 percent than usual lately. My stomach issues have become more frequent and painful and it seems things that used to be ok are becoming more problematic. Last night, a piece of broiled salmon coupled with a sip of room temperature water triggered a reaction that had me gagging and semi-vomiting for more than an hour. As a result of several surgeries I’ve had over the years, I can no longer fully vomit in the traditional sense, and at the risk of already oversharing I’ll spare you what the end result looks and feels like. Suffice to say, it’s not fun.
But if I could still vomit, I know I’d be heaving up my guts at what has masqueraded as breaking news over the last 24 hours and what seems to be an outright obsession with media about it. Indeed, I wrote about the subject of bad bromance and my ability to see this train wreck coming just two days ago. But that was before the escalation of their hissyfit and the dropping of “big bombs” that had a few of my more regular followers reaching out to me and saying “I can’t wait for what you’ll have to say about this”. And indeed more than a few far more influential people have already weighed in. DEADLINE’s dynamic duo of Dominic Patten and Ted Johnson weighed in with their recap yesterday afternoon:
The war of words and tweets between Donald Trump and his top donor Elon Musk just went nuclear.
As the former DOGE chief and POTUS tossed slings and arrows at each other over the president’s “Big Beautiful Bill’s” effect on the federal deficit and whether the SpaceX owner put the Republican back in power, Musk dropped “the really big bomb.” After almost over a year connected to Trump at the hip, spending hundreds of millions on his 2024 campaign and charging through the federal government’s inner sanctums like a rabid bull in a China shop, Musk truly went full Little Boy and Fat Man. Less than a week after he was literally tossed out of the White House with praise and a golden key, Musk today claimed POTUS “is in the Epstein files.” With zero evidence, Musk added, “That is the real reason they have not been made public.”
As Trump cancels Musk’s billions in government contracts and Musk says “Yes” to a post calling for the former Apprentice host to resign and VP JD Vance move into the Oval Office, the reaction to the Epstein remark exploded online – even as Fox News and the rest of the mainstream media essentially ignored it initially.
The balance of their story was a compendium of reactions from journalists, politicians and even a few other folks who may or may not been involved in a few freak-offs over the years. And by nightfall, as their colleague Glenn Garner chimed in, those still responsible for trying to make us laugh couldn’t help but weigh in:
Jimmy Kimmel joked he “knew this day would come, and yet, Man oh man, Vader turns on the Emperor again. I mean, that’s a serious accusation. What does Elon know? What evidence could there possibly be that Trump was in league with Jeffrey Epstein?” Kimmel sarcastically asked while sharing numerous photos and videos of the pair.somehow it’s even better than I imagined,” adding on Jimmy Kimmel Live: “It’s like coming down the stairs on Christmas morning and finding a second tree.
Jimmy Fallon also poked fun at the feud in his opening monologue on The Tonight Show. “Yeah, Trump and Elon have been brutally attacking each other all day. Seriously, their relationship went off a cliff faster than a self-driving Tesla,” he added. “And I’m not saying it’s bad, but right now, Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni are like, ‘Guys, take it easy! This is getting out of hand”
On The Daily Show, Michael Kosta commented on “the simmering tension between Donald Trump and Elon Musk, the leader of the free world and the breeder of the free world,” noting that their “conflict has escalated into a full-blown ‘World War Douche’.”
And the chortling continued right into the 12:37 hour:
(Seth) Meyers said on his show, “I don’t know about DJT, but I’m having a pretty nice day. Holy s—! In the span of three hours, they went from Elon criticizing the bill, to Trump threatening to take Elon’s contracts away, to Elon suggesting that Trump might be a pedophile. Also, if we are to take you at your word, Elon, you already knew that… and it wasn’t a dealbreaker. So, that spiraled out of control.”
Look, I get what and why they’ve glommed onto this literally like a fly to sh-t. My social media feeds are living proof that it works, especially among those who have been barraging me incessantly with story after story about some other tone-deaf or ignorant remark from someone in Fat Orange Jesus’ orbit. At least it took some attention away from the fact Howard Lutnick has no idea what an actual banana republic is, though he seems hell bent on allowing this to become one in the political sense.
And it is somewhat humorous to see two allegedly mature adult men throwing shade on competing online platforms with the same sort of faux angst and intensity as a couple of adolescent girls fighting over an abusive hunk. In Little Elon’s case, I suppose hell hath no fury like an incel nepobaby scorned. And in FOJ’s, I guess he picked up some sort of habit from the company he’s apparently kept.
But for those who have been waiting breathlessly for my take, sorry to disappoint you–I got nothin’.
About all I’ll go out on a limb and offer is that whatever smoking gun Musk thinks he’s carting with any news of Trump on Epstein Island will only improve his street cred with the tech bros that Democrats think they can learn more about through a bunch of high-priced focus groups. If an old fat fart can score with a bunch of hot teen chicks, to quite a few of those dudes that’s dope–and not in the sense of the word you might think.
My former FOX colleagues who essentially invented American tabloid television used to lecture me amidst highballs and Bloody Marys during early morning meetups while I was still groggy and not yet checked in to my hotel after a redeye with what they saw as the reason anyone would care about content like this. “There’s only two things people really give a sh-t about, mate. Those that make you wish it was happening to you and those that make you damn glad it’s not”.
Can you honestly say one of those two extreme reactions is true for you in this case?
If it indeed is, then you keep retweeting and retruthing to your heart’s content. That sort of dedication is simply beyond my ability to comprehend at this moment.
Fortunately, I’ve taken a look at the upcoming calendar of new releases and conferences ahead in the next coupla weeks. Most of my favorite baseball teams are leading their divisions. Indiana even somehow stole home court advantage from Oklahoma City in the NBA Finals’ opener last night. There clearly are better days with, at least for moi, more constructive things to muse about.
So for those of you still otherwise addicted to this battle of wit(lesse)s, you do you. Just musing about all this has triggered yet another quasi-vomit on my end.
Until next time…