MEMO TO: SUSIE WILES, WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF/KAROLINE LEAVITT, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY
CC: FAT ORANGE JESUS, E. MUSK, X. MUSK
RE: AN IN-HOUSE SOLUTION TO YOUR SELF-INFLICTED “PROBLEM”
Mornin’, ladies. Congrats on your one-month anniversaries as adversaries–er, advisors–to the Ki–er, President of the United States. Forgive me for my confusion; given what comes from your boss’ stubby fingers or oversized yap I’m honestly not sure how to reference any of you. I’m also sending this recommendation to the list above because I’m even less sure whose jurisdiction this may fall under these days–for that matter, it’s entirely possible none of you may, either.
It seems that the leader of the free world has enough of a problem with one particular news organization that he’s made it a literal federal case. AXIOS’ Erin Doherty diligently reported the latest salvos being fired off yesterday:
President Trump told Axios’ Marc Caputo on Tuesday that he will continue to restrict the Associated Press’ access to the White House “until such time as they agree that it’s the Gulf of America.”…Trump has targeted the AP, which has said it will continue to use the 400-year-old Gulf of Mexico instead of Trump’s preferred Gulf of America, as part of longstanding Republican complaints about the AP Stylebook’s language guides around race, gender, and immigration.
The Associated Press just refuses to go with what the law is and what has taken place, it’s called the ‘Gulf of America’ now,” Trump told Axios during a press conference at Mar-a-Lago on Tuesday. “It’s not called the Gulf of Mexico any longer. … We’re going to keep them out until such time they agree that it’s the Gulf of America.”
AP spokesperson Lauren Easton said in a statement addressing Trump’s comments “this is about the government telling the public and press what words to use and retaliating if they do not follow government orders.” She added: “The Associated Press has provided critical and independent coverage of the White House for over 100 years,” Easton added.
Ironically, AP itself did a fine job of giving further context to this kerfuffle per its David Bauder:
Through a story in Axios over the weekend, the Trump administration broadened its complaints against the AP beyond the Gulf dispute. White House deputy chief of staff Taylor Budowich told Axios that the administration is concerned about AP “weaponizing language through their Stylebook to push a partisan world view.”
Specifically, it objects to the Stylebook’s use of the phrase “gender-affirming care” to describe medical treatments for transgender people, and the capitalization of Black and not white in racial descriptions.
Trump said that some of the phrases that the AP wants to use are “ridiculous” and “obsolete.” “I guess some are OK, but many aren’t,” the president said, without being specific. He also said, referring to himself in the third person, that AP “has been very, very wrong on the election on Trump and the treatment of Trump and other things having to do with Trump and Republicans and conservatives. And they’re doing us no favors. And I guess I’m doing them no favors. That’s the way life works.”
Clearly, uneasy lies the head that wears the crown (I’m told the Burger King version might have been a better and appropriate fit).
We could discuss like adults what shred of logic should apply to something this petty and petulant, but we all know that’s a fool’s errand. Your adolescent-in-chief clearly wants a centuries-old journalistic entity out of his tou–er, hair. If only he happened to have something equally as established to fill the void.
Well, since I know you’ve been more than a bit busy lately, perhaps you may have forgotten this fact. He–and you, already do.
It’s called The Voice of America, and in case you need a refresher course about it, at least Wikipedia hasn’t pissed your boss off enough to warrant a call for extinction (yet):
It is the largest and oldest of the U.S. international broadcasters.[3][4][5] VOA produces digital, TV, and radio content in 48 languages, which it distributes to affiliate stations around the world.[6] Its targeted and primary audience is non-American outside the US borders. As of November 2022, its reporting reached 326 million adults per week across all platforms.[7] It is financed by the U.S. Agency for Global Media after approval by Congress.[8]
VOA was established in 1942, and the VOA charter was signed into law in 1976 by U.S. President Gerald Ford.[9][10] It is headquartered in Washington, D.C., and overseen by the U.S. Agency for Global Media (USAGM), an independent agency of the U.S. government.[11] Funds are appropriated annually under the budget for embassies and consulates.
How convenient. You already own, operate and fund it. Its website is robust with stories about how he’s been interacting with the rest of the world and stories about issues of concern to the largely overseas audience. It wouldn’t take a lot to pivot the focus toward more domestic concerns. Maybe add a little coverage of sports and Kennedy Center-approved entertainment–ya know, the other areas he tends to give a crap about.
And if it might actually need a small infusion of additional funds and talent to bring it up to AP’s standards, fortunately one of your current consultants has already found more than enough loose change in the proverbial seat cushions of your budget to cover it. And thanks to the organic and self-inflicted dissipation of legacy media that your opinions and wishes have zero to do with, there’s already plenty of experienced journalists out there to cull from that would likely accept whatever red pill you might want them to ingest to fill whatever coverage gaps might exist. Probably at a very favorable rate. I know I’m exceptionally flexible if they’re not.
And hey–you’ve already got a very willing intern at your beckoned call. Perhaps two, if you’re willing to suspend child labor laws. We know that in this administration all bets are off.
Look, we all know there are much bigger things for all of us to focus on. And we know there’s (at least) 47 more months ahead for y’all to accomplish it. The sooner your boss can find a viable alternative to force those bad, bad people who still think the word Mexico is worth falling on their journalistic swords for to bend their knee the way so many of their legacy media brethren already have, the faster he can check off more of the items on his laundry list–ya know, the one that might still be labeled Project 2025.
So consider this a potential solution from someone not opposed to being a consultant in his own right. I’ve worked for many of the organizations and people he still likes (at the moment) and know I can do the job if asked. And I won’t even require a baby-sitter.
Until next time…