Another weekend, another–ahem–war. We can barely go six months without one these days, can we?
Forgive me if I’m not quite as excited or non-plussed as perhaps you are about what went down early Saturday morning in beautiful downtown Tehran. I assume unless you’ve been living under a rock or perhaps hiking in South America you know what I’m referencing. For any of you who might fall into one of those categories, BUSINESS TODAY provided a handy recap early this morning:
Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei was killed in a major attack by Israel and the United States, Iranian state media confirmed early Sunday, throwing the future of the Islamic Republic into doubt and raising the risk of regional instability. President Donald Trump announced the death hours earlier, saying it gave Iranians their “greatest chance” to “take back” their country.
Iran has launched a new round of missile and drone attacks targeting Israel and several Gulf cities, after vowing retaliation for the killing of supreme leader Ali Khamenei, who had ruled the country since 1989. Twenty-seven US bases in the region, as well as Israel’s military headquarters and a defence industries complex in Tel Aviv, were among the targets, according to an AFP report that cited Iranian state TV.
Trump warned Iran of unprecedented force if it retaliated as fresh blasts were were heard across the Gulf cities of Dubai, Doha, and Manama on Sunday. The United States will hit Iran “with a force that has never been seen before,” Trump said.
Except we have seen that sort of force before, Sir. And not just last summer when supposedly your swift and decisive actions supposedly wiped out Iran’s nuclear capacities. I’m seasoned enough to remember when something quite similar happened before. And apparently, at least per the transcript your buds at the NY/CA POST shared yesterday afternoon, so are you–or at least your ghost-writers:
For 47 years, the Iranian regime has chanted ‘Death to America’ and waged an unending campaign of bloodshed and mass murder targeting the United States, our troops and the innocent people in many, many countries. Among the regime’s very first acts was to back a violent takeover of the US embassy in Tehran, holding dozens of American hostages for 444 days. In 1983, Iran’s proxies carried out the Marine Barracks bombing in Beirut that killed 241 American military personnel. In 2000, they knew and were probably involved with the attack on the USS Cole, many died. Iranian forces killed and maimed hundreds of American service members in Iraq.”
OK, you lost me the moment you started to qualify your declaratives with words like “probably”. But apparently not elected officials on both sides of the aisle, as FOX’s Mark Richardson at least made an attempt to compile representative samples of. I pretty much received all of them in one form or another–sometimes more than once–in my timelines and inboxes all throughout the day. Along with the inevitable request for a $5 donation that may or may not be 2x matched. Expecting me to come up with that sort of outlay is perhaps more ridiculous a notion than expecting him to behave with any nod toward constitutional law or due process.
Among the most opportunistic of those declarations came from an inexplicably still viable candidate for the 2028 Democratic presidential nomination. I got a whole bunch of “TOLDJA!” moments from those that still think somehow we missed out on the golden age of America by letting the opportunity to elect her pass us us by. Personally, I was a bit more swayed by those who dredged up what he claimed to be his policy in 2013, not 2024. But that’s just me, I suppose.
Let’s cut to the chase. For one, this isn’t my war, and unless you are a citizen of Israel it isn’t really yours, either. Iran does not have long-range missiles capable of reaching our shores or even a coordinated plan to fly a few planes into buildings. They do have a few that can sneak their way into Israel, and Bibi Netanyahu knows that. Do also remember he has more than a few Zionist friends in high places with boatloads of money, including one who just happens to be the president’s son-in-law. You know, the one who at least six days a week gets to do what at least I’m willing to believe Fat Orange Jesus only masturbates about? This all went down on the one night of the week any good Orthodox Jew abstains from something like that. So if he asks Daddy for a favor at such a time, he’s likely to get his way.
And for another, we’ve yet to see anything tangible that would conclusively show that what is being claimed to have already happened has indeed happened. At least back in the day we got a picture of a deceased despot being paraded through the middle of the city. Or at least video of hostages or, worst of all, seeing two of the tallest buildings in the world disintegrate on our soil in front of our disbelieving eyes. We have to take at face value that images like this are legit–from the same source that more regularly posts AI deepfakes than even the laziest Gen Alpha is capable of.
Oh, as for those protests so many of y’all felt necessary to urge me to join you on the cosplay line with? Maybe you missed the memo that U.S. NEWS TODAY shared as to the source for all of those miraculously pret-a-porter signs you had access to:
(A) network of U.S. nonprofits aligned with China, Russia and Tehran activated foot soldiers to hit America’s streets. Groups funded by Neville Roy Singham, a Shanghai-based, American-born tech tycoon, which regularly parrot messaging from America’s adversaries, swung into action even as the initial bombs were dropping. The nearly instantaneous response was the latest salvo in an information war on the U.S., with foot soldiers called upon to converge in protests and echo anti-U.S. talking points.
At 2:34 a.m. ET, the ANSWER Coalition, a nonprofit project whose leaders describe themselves as Marxist and communist, announced, “EMERGENCY NATIONWIDE DAY OF ACTION TODAY, SAT. FEB 28 — STOP THE WAR WITH IRAN!” It announced its network of groups that have long supported the regime in Iran, including the National Iranian American Council, 50501, American Muslims for Palestine, the People’s Forum, Palestinian Youth Movement and CodePink. The organizations haven’t responded to requests for comment. Singham did not respond to a request for comment. The network set the language for its anti-U.S. messaging, calling the war an “unprovoked, illegal bombing of Iran.” It even set up a website domain for the coordinated actions at http://ANSWERCoalition.org.
Congrats, folks. I sure hope your Bluetooths weren’t blaring anything like WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN while you engaged in yet another worthless pep rally. Sure seems like you were.
From my experience, anything that qualifies as a “war” needs to last a minimum of six days. I know that’s the threshold Israel uses based on their own history. We’re still only one-third of the way to that goal. Let’s touch base next week, shall we?
And as to those who somehow think getting on a digital soapbox will somehow miraculously sink in or matter to anyone participating in this exercise, haven’t you beaten your head against the wall enough to realize that’s never gonna be the case with as long as this motherf–king lunatic and his toadies are in command? You want to know why your party is merely dreaming of winning elections that may or may not actually happen this fall, poll results notwithstanding? Start with what you’ve been insisting I take seriously enough to open my wallet for over the past 24-ish hours. Your suspension of reality truly amazes me.
This, more than anything, is a textbook “wag the dog” strategy that once again has diverted us from thinking about the price of gas outside Iowa or any sort of heavily redacted files–at least the ones we currently know the whereabouts of. I’m willing to own up to the fact I’m guilty of such deflection. Are you?
If there’s anything one would have hoped we can learn from dealing with the toddler-in-chief for now the better part of a decade is to take him at face value. So for once, why not actually pay close attention to the marching orders he gave the “great, proud people of Iran” in his cowardly overnight video that thankfully weighed in at a mere eight minutes (which I guess should indicate he’s at least capable of having someone read the room for him).
I say tonight that the hour of your freedom is at hand…When we are finished, take over your government. It will be yours to take. This will be probably your only chance for generations…Now is the time to seize control of your destiny and to unleash the prosperous and glorious future that is close, within your reach. This is the moment for action. Do not let it pass.
Now stop flooding my inbox and go friggin’ do it.
Until next time…