It’s Giving Tuesday, not that you didn’t already know that. If your inbox and alerts are configured like mine, you’ve probably received well over a dozen emails and texts pointing you to noble causes and reminding you that while you’ve recently been in the midst of spending for you and your immediate loved ones over the past few days, from Black Friday to Small Business Saturday straight through to Cyber Monday, there are way more folks you might not know who are in real need that you shouldn’t forget about, especially in the holiday season.
In my mind, I would truly love to be able to donate to such worthy causes. When I’ve been able to, I’ve found a way to do that. Because I tend to identify with the high-minded idealism that this cause has identified since its establishment. As FORBES’ Alexander Puutio explained in his background piece dropped earlier this morning:
Launched in 2012 by the 92nd Street Y, Giving Tuesday takes the festive narrative of Black Friday and Cyber Monday and asks us to give back instead of spending more. Over the past twelve years, Giving Tuesday has grown from a simple concept to a worldwide phenomenon, generating over $3.1 billion in charitable donations in 2022 alone.
While the sheer volume of generosity captured in a single day is staggering, Giving Tuesday is more than just an excuse to spin up a fundraising campaign. Instead, the spirit of Giving Tuesday is an open invitation for nonprofits, corporations, and individuals to unite around a shared commitment to impact and being a part of the change they want to see.
Well, after what happened to me yesterday afternoon, there’s a particular change I’m particularly interested in seeing finally come to pass. And, more than ever, I’m praying some of you may see fit to at least help me make that a reality.
As I’ve sometimes danced around in these musings, I’ve had serious financial issues 0ver the past few years. Those of you familiar with it are likely sick of hearing the details; for those of you who may not be, I really don’t want to burden you with them today. All of the details can be found in the familiar link at the bottom of this piece. I accept full accountability for a number of the issues that are detailed therein, including choosing to have one particular person enter my life despite the protests of many well-meaning family members and friends, most of whom have long given up on me entirely. A great deal of my woes are a direct result of my choice to enable this person, and it is a choice I will regret to my dying day–which if this person had been successful in delaying my getting to a hospital for a couple of more hours just about five years ago might have already occurred.
This person has utilized virtually every legal and emotional strategy to maximize the level of pain and emotional torture possible for roughly four and a half years, and in recent months it has been redoubled because of an arbitrary deadline they set down where they believed what they determined I owe them was to be paid in full. No court or judge set that date, it was strictly made up in their mind. As have been the consistently changing dollar figures I receive from dozens of Venmo requests and texts, sometimes as many as ten within an hour, none of which to date reflect the actual amount I actually owe this person.
Additionally, legal negotiations were perpetuated for months by a series of demands that included a 14-page list of names, business establishments and charity organizations which, in this person’s opinion, my presence posed a personal threat to any or all of them. As the demand specified, any physical or virtual contact I would have made with them once I agreed to it would result in a fine of more than $5000. If you think that sounds ridiculous, you should get a gander at how extensive that list is and how many familiar entities are contained within it. Thankfully, that never passed muster with any attorney. But it did grow my own legal fees by several thousand dollars by having to have my attorney deal with the numerous iterations of it that were put forth over a series of months.
As these demands intensified, it got to the point where I sought the advice of law enforcement and legal officals, who advised me that this online harassment met a threshold worthy of a restraining order. I went through the process of filing one, a process that was further delayed when this person successfully utilized their right for one continuance. Yesterday, we finally met face to face in a courtroom. I presented my case. The judge was extremely specific in the language used which they believed would constitute an actual threat. No, no physical violence has ever been referenced. But anyone who has ever been through cyberbullying, particularly if they have anything close to my childhood history of taunting and abuse, may be able to identify that it doesn’t necessarily take the possibility of being shot or beaten to create the level of anxiety, depression and despair that I have felt almost every waking moment, and in particular over the last several weeks.
This judge did not believe my issues warranted honoring my restraining order request, and indeed informed the respondent that they had the right to continue to make requests for payment. Within hours of leaving the courtroom, I received several more requests, once again with dollar figures that have no grounding in any reality other than the one that solely exists in their head.
It has become apparent that the only language this person is capable of communicating in involves dollar signs. And, very simply, if I actually had access to enough money to at least satisfy their legitimate request in full, I would do so. That’s not a reality I know at this time. Like you, I have bills and expenses and annual fees that have become due, and I have not been able to find any wiggle room in my budget for several months to even pay part of my legitimate expense down. When I did, I was able to pay down slightly more than 60% of at least what my legal advisers contend is my actual debt. Forget what this person believes it is.
But if it already isn’t apparent to you, I’m well beyond my breaking point to further delay giving this person what they actually are entitled to.
So in the spirit of Giving Tuesday, I’m putting this offer out there publicly:
Please consider me in your list of individuals who you may deem worthy to donate to. GoFundMes are tax deductible, and they do take a 3.5% fee. But I pledge that every single dollar I eventually receive from donations today and through the end of this week will go to the person who is torturing me, up to the amount I actually owe. Anything received beyond that will be donated to the charity of your choice should you indicate it in the comments. Short of that, it will go to charities I fully support, including the Susan B. Komen Foundation, in honor of my sister who is a 13-year cancer survivor and truly one of the strongest people I’ve ever known.
There are really only two things I truly want this holiday season. One is to somehow be able to make enough to afford to see my best friend for the holidays, a person without whom my life would be completely empty that I have not physically seen in more than two years. That’s something that I can work on on my own accord.
But far more than that, I want this other person out of my life FOREVER. And I don’t want them to have anything even close to a legitimate leg to stand on any more. Should they choose to perpetuate whatever myth is going on their head, there’s a legal avenue for them to pursue. And since it’s a road that I’ve previously traveled, I know my way around that part of the courtroom very well. So far, I’m undefeated in that particular wing.
Please, if you can, include me in your Giving Tuesday actions, and share to your social media regardless. And if it’s possible I vow to give back. Because giving really is a wonderful feeling.
Until next time…